that title just came into my mind while watching 16 and pregnant commercial. i don’t think or them as sluts. they just made a mistake. you have to look at it in another perspective. you can’t always look at it as the worst thing ever, then you could never be ready for a new future of being pregnant and playing parents. that, after IT happened, it’s not a choice : YOU HAVE TO BE READY. whether you like it or not at first – you bound to love it – it’s going to happen.
i’m not saying this because i over-did-it with my boyfriend and got knocked up or anything. trust me, we’re not doing anything crazy and over the line. but the TV series, for me, is the perfect analogy of what’s going on through in my life.
the year 2009 is coming to a close and, to be honest, i’m not ready to welcome 2010. there are big decisions coming up for me to choose, big bye-bye’s as GRADUATION is near (June ain’t coming slowly, honey! it’ll be fast!), moving day (yes, i’m going to move out of my grandparents’ house), and etcetera. to tell all of you the truth, i’m physically and emotionally not ready for all of those.
i’m not ready yet to grow up for those huge decisions.
something that has been bothering my conscience for a couple of weeks is that i’m not ready to choose and decide anything because i’m afraid that all the new changes will drift me and timothy apart. i’m going to be somewhere and he’s going to be in some place else. we’re not going to see each other as frequent as we are now. i’m just dead scared.
it’s scary for me to think about and predict because it makes me speculate something that even may not happen. it creates emotions in me which are not necessary, they’re emotions based on speculation. i’m know very well that i am the one who is scaring myself.
like timothy said, everything’s going to be all right. i know that and i believe that. i know that i’m mature and capable enough to make my decisions right. i have the most wonderful people by my side, whom i believe to guide me all the way through : JESUS, my family, timothy and his family, erc gleny jesbon, ina, senat, ma’am rini, so many more.
i read my friend’s writing and he said that he believed GOD would never leave His children. so, i’m giving my life to Him. whatever i am doing and going to do is for the greater glory of God. ad maiorem dei gloriam.
this is a personal reflection. it feels better to write it down. but i feel so guilty that i didn’t tell timothy about this myself. it feels so bad to know that he’s knowing this from my blog. i’m so sorry :’(
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