Post #352 A Small White Piece of Paper

my aunt diah, a nun, sent me this alongside her christmas wishes. i missed her so so much. lately, i just want to be with her. she makes everything me okay again even when all my life is crashing down. also, maybe because she’s a nun, i really feel that Jesus is extra close to me when i’m with her. i just want to tell her everything, and she will make it all better.

i dreamt about her these past two nights. how pretty she is, how brilliant she is, how funny she is, how perfectionist she is, how annoying she is, how cute her laugh is, how warm her hugs are, how much in love she is with Jesus, how she horribly-hard cook just to make me eat vegetables and that’s sweet.

tonight i miss her so much. more than ever. this is what’s written on the card she sent me:

ya tuhan,

kami berdoa supaya Ibu-Mu yang tersuci

merangkul semua imam

di bawah mantolnya

dan melalui perantaraannya

menguatkan mereka dalam

pelayanan imamat mereka.

kami berdoa supaya maria membimbing

imam-imam-Mu

untuk mengikuti kata-katanya sendiri:

Buatlah apa saja yang dikatakan-Nya” (Yoh 2:5)

Semoga para imam-Mu

mempunyai hati seperti st. yusuf,

suami murni maria.

semoga hati maria yang tertusuk

mengilhami mereka untuk memeluk

semua orang yang menderita

di kaki salib.

semoga para imam-Mu suci,

penuh dengan nyala api cinta kasih-Mu

tanpa mencari apa-pun

selain kemuliaan-Mu

dan keselamatan jiwa-jiwa.

Amin

St. Yohanes Vianney, doakanlah kami.

Trappist Gedono

well, i could never be a pastor. i’m a girl. and the world know very well, i could never be a nun; i don’t have any calling. i know it’s not my calling to be a nun. since i was a kid i know i want to have kids, be a mom :)

i know why she sent me that prayer. there’s a seminary at my school. she prays for them, my seminarian friends, i know she does. i guess, it’s a way of her to tell me to do the same. i am going to, i will.

this prayer, her timing and her choosing, is what i need most during the most difficult time of my life. it’s very hard for me to not think about it. i don’t want to talk about it.

i dedicate this post for her – my aunt diah – and my seminarian friends, frater and pater at school, and whoever else moved by this simple play of words. one more, dedicated to a certain friend and his 100%-spirit to be what he wants to be: i can’t hate you – after reading this, i could never hate you – we will stay friends and act like nothing happen. my support and prayers are with you always, i said that and that’s true. just please don’t hurt me, anybody, or yourself. and don’t be so hard on yourself, at least i know you that well to know you always do that.

this is exactly what she makes me feel&do and i hate that in the end she’s right, i feel better. and i just glare at her with lovingly-hatred look while she laughs evilly-and-happily. this is somewhat her way to make me do the right thing – calm down and pray – and feel better. i love her with all my heart so so much. i miss her here.